:'( someone please help me help my mother

dontknowanymore · August 17th, 2011, 05:08 AM

This has been going on for too long. My mother is 38, and about 200lbs. I'm 18. i am her first child so i have known her the longest. I can't take seeing my mother cry anymore. Every day it's the same thing and it never ends. It makes me cry & makes me sad to see her cry and feel so low about herself. I think she's depressed. She doesn't go anywhere with her friends, she says she has none. She doesn't go out with her husband because he looks at other women right in front of her. She always calls herself fat and gross. She doesn't even eat allllll day. She just drinks 4 coffee's a day and tells me she isn't hungry. That's a lie, she has to be hungry if she doesn't eat one thing. She showers only once a week and doesn't take care of herself (makeup, hair, clothing .. stays in sweats and a sweatshirt all day). This is all because she says she ''doesn't care anymore because it's not like he(her husband) would even look at her and call her pretty''. The only time I have ever seen him kiss her was on their wedding day. It's been 7 years of hurt for her. He NEVER kisses her, gives her hugs, says she looks nice, or says i love you. He is always putting her down about everything. Like as if she can't do anything right. When all along he's the one that's been the bad one in the relationship.The worst is that he's never said sorry to anything he's done to ever hurt her. And it's a lot a stuff that he's done; too much. He just walks right in the house, goes straight down stairs, and doesn't associate with her. He has cheated on her so many times that it makes me sick to my stomach. She can't leave him, though i know she wants to so bad. She can't because she doesn't have a job, so we'd have no where to go. And she doesn't want to take her daughter's father away. She knows it would hurt her so much. If ever we were to leave him it would be her and my two sisters. I just can't take it anymore. I just want her to be happy again

She wasn't always like this. She used to do fun things, do her hair pretty, do her make up amazing, wear cute clothing, smile, and laugh. Now it's the rarest thing to see her do. either of those things. She's always cooped up by herself and often crying. She thinks no one can hear but i can. Then i start to cry because i don't know how i can help her

She's done so much for me and I just really want to do something to help her. I wish I had the money because i would get her professional help to talk to them every week and make her feel better. but i can't. so i need to do it myself and i'm willing to do that. I just don't know how

if anyone has any advice i really need it, please.

Sphinx · April 30th, 2012, 11:19 AM

Ey!! If u do get this howz the situation now...I feel for your mom an wot you an your two sisters must go through...its can't be easy,I wish I had the power in me to let all this go away an never come back...its obvious your momz depressed..she needs help an your the eldest daughter so get help so that mom can get better I'm sure there help out there if we just reach out...

Arthor Daly Wright · May 10th, 2012, 09:22 AM

Hi. I have dealt with depression, personally, and with others. I have found that it is more difficult to deal with other's depressions than my own.

I learned, for myself, that I needed to have an acceptance of the depression, in a way. I don't mean that I think depression is acceptable; I mean that when I faced it and accepted that there was something that needed to change in my life, I began the process of healing.

When depression would happen again, I knew that it was a message to myself that I needed change again. Sometimes, the change was simply my outlook on life or an acceptance of life (people the way they are). I knew that I was a good soul, and that nobody could take that away from me.

It was difficult when I was in a bad relationship, but holding on to my love for myself helped to keep me sane. Having someone in my life (the way your mother has you) always made a big difference, even if they were unable to solve my situation. Just having someone to listen was so important to me.

I am writing in the personal perspective for a reason. It is not because I think it is about me; it is because I am being careful to simply share my experience and not advise. I remember people trying to tell me what I should do when I was depressed, and it never worked for me. I needed to figure it out, with loving help, on my own.

I send a prayer out to your mother and you, and her husband. I pray that she find love and purpose that eases her depression. I pray that you naturally help her in ways that help you, too. I pray that her husband find his way along his path of evolution sooner than later so that she, at least, does not have negative influences that can make a depression worse.

Love and light to you and yours,
ADW.

August 17th, 2011, 05:08 AM	#1
dontknowanymore Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 1	:'( someone please help me help my mother This has been going on for too long. My mother is 38, and about 200lbs. I'm 18. i am her first child so i have known her the longest. I can't take seeing my mother cry anymore. Every day it's the same thing and it never ends. It makes me cry & makes me sad to see her cry and feel so low about herself. I think she's depressed. She doesn't go anywhere with her friends, she says she has none. She doesn't go out with her husband because he looks at other women right in front of her. She always calls herself fat and gross. She doesn't even eat allllll day. She just drinks 4 coffee's a day and tells me she isn't hungry. That's a lie, she has to be hungry if she doesn't eat one thing. She showers only once a week and doesn't take care of herself (makeup, hair, clothing .. stays in sweats and a sweatshirt all day). This is all because she says she ''doesn't care anymore because it's not like he(her husband) would even look at her and call her pretty''. The only time I have ever seen him kiss her was on their wedding day. It's been 7 years of hurt for her. He NEVER kisses her, gives her hugs, says she looks nice, or says i love you. He is always putting her down about everything. Like as if she can't do anything right. When all along he's the one that's been the bad one in the relationship.The worst is that he's never said sorry to anything he's done to ever hurt her. And it's a lot a stuff that he's done; too much. He just walks right in the house, goes straight down stairs, and doesn't associate with her. He has cheated on her so many times that it makes me sick to my stomach. She can't leave him, though i know she wants to so bad. She can't because she doesn't have a job, so we'd have no where to go. And she doesn't want to take her daughter's father away. She knows it would hurt her so much. If ever we were to leave him it would be her and my two sisters. I just can't take it anymore. I just want her to be happy again She wasn't always like this. She used to do fun things, do her hair pretty, do her make up amazing, wear cute clothing, smile, and laugh. Now it's the rarest thing to see her do. either of those things. She's always cooped up by herself and often crying. She thinks no one can hear but i can. Then i start to cry because i don't know how i can help her She's done so much for me and I just really want to do something to help her. I wish I had the money because i would get her professional help to talk to them every week and make her feel better. but i can't. so i need to do it myself and i'm willing to do that. I just don't know how if anyone has any advice i really need it, please.

April 30th, 2012, 11:19 AM	#2
Sphinx Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: South africa ,cape town ,,little town called Manenberg Posts: 4	Sphinx Ey!! If u do get this howz the situation now...I feel for your mom an wot you an your two sisters must go through...its can't be easy,I wish I had the power in me to let all this go away an never come back...its obvious your momz depressed..she needs help an your the eldest daughter so get help so that mom can get better I'm sure there help out there if we just reach out...

May 10th, 2012, 09:22 AM	#3
Arthor Daly Wright Junior Member Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 7	Hi. I have dealt with depression, personally, and with others. I have found that it is more difficult to deal with other's depressions than my own. I learned, for myself, that I needed to have an acceptance of the depression, in a way. I don't mean that I think depression is acceptable; I mean that when I faced it and accepted that there was something that needed to change in my life, I began the process of healing. When depression would happen again, I knew that it was a message to myself that I needed change again. Sometimes, the change was simply my outlook on life or an acceptance of life (people the way they are). I knew that I was a good soul, and that nobody could take that away from me. It was difficult when I was in a bad relationship, but holding on to my love for myself helped to keep me sane. Having someone in my life (the way your mother has you) always made a big difference, even if they were unable to solve my situation. Just having someone to listen was so important to me. I am writing in the personal perspective for a reason. It is not because I think it is about me; it is because I am being careful to simply share my experience and not advise. I remember people trying to tell me what I should do when I was depressed, and it never worked for me. I needed to figure it out, with loving help, on my own. I send a prayer out to your mother and you, and her husband. I pray that she find love and purpose that eases her depression. I pray that you naturally help her in ways that help you, too. I pray that her husband find his way along his path of evolution sooner than later so that she, at least, does not have negative influences that can make a depression worse. Love and light to you and yours, ADW.