I feel sad, angry, and hurt

flyingstar2002 · January 11th, 2009, 05:46 AM

I sat in a restaurant today with my boyfriend's family, helping them plan a wedding for his brother's girlfriend, Sue. We got into the discussion of who was going to cook the food and prepare it before the ceremony was over. This is when my boyfriend's mother suggested that the two bridesmaids, Betty and Penny, who also happen to be her daughters, should cook the food instead and Sue should make me and my boyfriend's niece a bridesmaid. I immediately spoke up and suggested that we just hire someone to cook the food or ask someone else. After all, who Sue has in her wedding is her decision. Then Sue got upset and said to her future mother-in-law, "She's not family. She's not blood." It really hurt me that she would say that about me. It was bad enough not being asked to be part of the wedding, feeling excluded and picked over, but I sucked it up and came to help her. I am just as much family as she is. What angers me more is that I didn't stand up for myself. I just sat there in silence. I don't know why she is so angry with me. And I don't know why I am letting her upset me so much. I want to confront her about it, but I hate confronting people. I try to sleep and I keep playing it over in my head. What should I do?

kraftykid · February 6th, 2009, 08:23 PM

I would just let it go. IMHO there is nothing that can be said to someone so unsensitive and it could create a bigger problem in the family.

botusli1 · May 26th, 2010, 09:49 PM

don't think about it, some people are just that way, let it go and be happy

Domas · September 2nd, 2010, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kraftykid

I would just let it go. IMHO there is nothing that can be said to someone so unsensitive and it could create a bigger problem in the family.

That is right, just let it go..

hala · September 21st, 2010, 02:14 AM

i think your response of not confronting her was good. you should see that your nonconfrontational attitude might have saved you from some future trouble.

bwendo · May 20th, 2011, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by flyingstar2002

What angers me more is that I didn't stand up for myself. I just sat there in silence... I want to confront her about it, but I hate confronting people. I try to sleep and I keep playing it over in my head. What should I do?

I think this is a question of assertiveness.

What you may need to take in future is a more assertive stance.

This means being understanding, but also clearly explaining how you feel and how the behavior of the person has made you feel. It is also best is you do this at the time the issue occurs - do not walk away in silence and then ruminate over it so you get anxious and act inappropriately next time an issue arises.

Being assertive is best dealt with using this formula

"When you do x you make me feel y"

For example, "When you exclude me and do not invite me to the wedding you make me feel hurt and alone and unwelcome. Why would you do that?"

This is how you can assertively deal with a situation like this in the future.

kraftykid · May 23rd, 2011, 04:43 AM

bwndo, when confronting some one always use the word I, never the word You. You is pointing out they screwed up in your eyes. I is how I felt. On the other hand you have to figure out if a confrontation is what you really want.

bwendo · May 23rd, 2011, 06:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kraftykid

you have to figure out if a confrontation is what you really want.

Not sure if it is called a confrontation - it is called being assertive - that is the whole point.

Graham · July 31st, 2011, 11:38 PM

Yes you need to forget all your worries and be happy at all and try to forget all the issues relating stress and live happy.

B-Diddy · September 6th, 2011, 09:28 AM

I totally agree with Graham. I should completely forget about your worries and your stress. Try to do the things you like more. That makes you forget about your problems. Just be happy and smile more

January 11th, 2009, 05:46 AM	#1
flyingstar2002 M.A.G. Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 2	I feel sad, angry, and hurt I sat in a restaurant today with my boyfriend's family, helping them plan a wedding for his brother's girlfriend, Sue. We got into the discussion of who was going to cook the food and prepare it before the ceremony was over. This is when my boyfriend's mother suggested that the two bridesmaids, Betty and Penny, who also happen to be her daughters, should cook the food instead and Sue should make me and my boyfriend's niece a bridesmaid. I immediately spoke up and suggested that we just hire someone to cook the food or ask someone else. After all, who Sue has in her wedding is her decision. Then Sue got upset and said to her future mother-in-law, "She's not family. She's not blood." It really hurt me that she would say that about me. It was bad enough not being asked to be part of the wedding, feeling excluded and picked over, but I sucked it up and came to help her. I am just as much family as she is. What angers me more is that I didn't stand up for myself. I just sat there in silence. I don't know why she is so angry with me. And I don't know why I am letting her upset me so much. I want to confront her about it, but I hate confronting people. I try to sleep and I keep playing it over in my head. What should I do?

February 6th, 2009, 08:23 PM	#2
kraftykid Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 83	I would just let it go. IMHO there is nothing that can be said to someone so unsensitive and it could create a bigger problem in the family.

May 26th, 2010, 09:49 PM	#3
botusli1 Junior Member Join Date: May 2010 Location: ny Posts: 16	don't think about it, some people are just that way, let it go and be happy

September 21st, 2010, 02:14 AM	#5
hala Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: pakistan Posts: 2	i think your response of not confronting her was good. you should see that your nonconfrontational attitude might have saved you from some future trouble.

May 23rd, 2011, 04:43 AM	#7
kraftykid Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 83	bwndo, when confronting some one always use the word I, never the word You. You is pointing out they screwed up in your eyes. I is how I felt. On the other hand you have to figure out if a confrontation is what you really want.

July 31st, 2011, 11:38 PM	#9
Graham Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: USA Posts: 15	Yes you need to forget all your worries and be happy at all and try to forget all the issues relating stress and live happy.

September 6th, 2011, 09:28 AM	#10
B-Diddy Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 1	I totally agree with Graham. I should completely forget about your worries and your stress. Try to do the things you like more. That makes you forget about your problems. Just be happy and smile more