here we go again....

DragonsRain · June 12th, 2010, 07:46 PM

well everyone, i have had another loss. my son committed suicide on april 25th. this is the 3rd suicide of my loved ones

I remember there were 5 steps in grieving. acceptance, denial, anger, sadness i think is one, but i don't remember the rest, it's been so long since I have hosted in here. i NEED to know the steps as it is eating me alive and i don't know why. please help, please?

hugs to everyone....

DragonsRain aka HeartFeltTF

PBS · July 4th, 2010, 10:18 AM

(((((((((((((((((((DRAGON)))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry for your loss.

The five stages of grief are:
1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.

3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.

Be safe, and talk to us.

islandsuze · April 4th, 2011, 10:05 AM

So very sorry for the loss of your son. When I lost my son I stayed in Denial for over a year--just hoping he would come walking in the door again. So hard not being able to say good bye. Needless to say that never happened. It has been 7 years and I still have not made it to Acceptance.

Loomy · November 3rd, 2011, 07:16 AM

Hi

Here is regret for me , for the loss of your small kids. When I lost my son I stayed in Denial for over a year--just hoping he would come walking in the door again. So hard not being able to say good bye. Needless to say that never happened. It has been 14 years and I still have not made it to acceptance.

jimmight · August 6th, 2012, 01:56 AM

“emotional ambushes” stay with you (AKA something triggers you out of the blue and you breakdown)? I realize everyone is different, but any outside perspective is appreciated.

June 12th, 2010, 07:46 PM	#1
DragonsRain formerly HeartFeltTF ;) Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Upstate NY is where I call home Posts: 61	here we go again.... well everyone, i have had another loss. my son committed suicide on april 25th. this is the 3rd suicide of my loved ones I remember there were 5 steps in grieving. acceptance, denial, anger, sadness i think is one, but i don't remember the rest, it's been so long since I have hosted in here. i NEED to know the steps as it is eating me alive and i don't know why. please help, please? hugs to everyone.... DragonsRain aka HeartFeltTF __________________ Back on the boards in 2016. Do I sense a comeback? 😜

July 4th, 2010, 10:18 AM	#2
PBS aka HarmonyTF Join Date: May 2008 Location: colorado Posts: 66	(((((((((((((((((((DRAGON)))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry for your loss. The five stages of grief are: 1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familia places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss. 2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving. 3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back. 4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal. 5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person. Be safe, and talk to us. __________________ `````````````````````````````````````` Hugs.... PoohsBigsister aka... HarmonyTF

November 3rd, 2011, 07:16 AM	#4
Loomy Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 13	Hi Here is regret for me , for the loss of your small kids. When I lost my son I stayed in Denial for over a year--just hoping he would come walking in the door again. So hard not being able to say good bye. Needless to say that never happened. It has been 14 years and I still have not made it to acceptance. __________________ Loomy

August 6th, 2012, 01:56 AM	#5
jimmight Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2012 Posts: 2	“emotional ambushes” stay with you (AKA something triggers you out of the blue and you breakdown)? I realize everyone is different, but any outside perspective is appreciated. __________________ jimmight

April 4th, 2011, 10:05 AM	#3
islandsuze Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 3	So very sorry for the loss of your son. When I lost my son I stayed in Denial for over a year--just hoping he would come walking in the door again. So hard not being able to say good bye. Needless to say that never happened. It has been 7 years and I still have not made it to Acceptance.