Trying to move on

elephantshoes · February 7th, 2010, 06:48 PM

My now ex-boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. We dated for almost 4 years. He has helped me through so much and then before our third year I somehow felt I needed something else and did the worst possible thing. I cheated on him. Ever since our relationship has never been the same. We had our good and bad days but it always seemed like he never wanted to get over it.

He broke up with me because he was moving 2 1/2 hours away and didn't think we would work out and wanted to focus on himself. We did decide to leave the option of us getting back together open and we were doing so good. We would talk everyday...laugh and have fun. But he never wanted to talk about how he was feeling about our situation or anything like that. It seemed like I was the ONLY one hurting and crying. I wanted to sit down and talk about it and get everything on the table but he NEVER wanted to. Then one night he seemed to get "fed" up with me asking questions and stuff and said there was no chance of us getting back together. I think he said it out of anger and if I just leave it alone that he will come back. But in the mean time I need to heal.

How do I let go of someone that I've loved for so long? How do I let go of someone I still want to be with? How do I heal...how do i move on? I want the pain to go away...I want to stop crying. My closest friends live about 45 minutes which isn't too bad 'cuz I use it to escape and the seriously make me feel so much better...but I hate being alone. He still calls me to see how I am and just to check up. I'm forcing myself not to call him...but instead let him call me. I want him to chase me. He knows how I feel about him...and I know deep down he still loves me. He blocks his feelings because #1. he's a guy...and he's told me he doesn't want to show his feelings #2. Because he told me its his way of trying to let go. I just have a feeling its not going to go well for him in the end...and I may have moved on.

We hit a rough patch and we couldn't ever focus on ourselves. We kept focusing on other people and things around us. Thats what really tore us apart. Please give me some advice...I'm really going crazy not knowing what to do. I apologize if some of this stuff doesn't make sense...I'm just letting it all out of me...and its pouring fast.

afk12 · February 13th, 2010, 12:57 PM

When someone that you have been with has left you. It feels like he was ripped out of your life. I know the feeling. You just have to take it day by day. If he is really meant for you he will come back to you. Maybe this is a good thing. All I know is that it's like grieving for someone who has died. You have to realize that right now he may not come back to you and now you have to move on and focus on yourself. I understand that it's hard but you will get through this. Everyone on here has at least experienced some kind of loss in one form or another and I promise it will get better. It will get easier in time. You just need time to understand, let the shock wear off, and come to grips with what happened. But I do promise it will get better.

kraftykid · May 31st, 2010, 03:26 PM

afk12, IMHO you are dealing with several seperate things. You cheated on your boyfriend, you hurt him, and now you are hurting because of his absence, which was caused by your actions. These are way too many things to deal with at one time.

Seek out someone in your area; i.e., minister, therapist, group, that you can talk to when you need to talk. You need straight answers and support. Good luck.

February 7th, 2010, 06:48 PM	#1
elephantshoes Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Minnesota Posts: 5	Trying to move on My now ex-boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. We dated for almost 4 years. He has helped me through so much and then before our third year I somehow felt I needed something else and did the worst possible thing. I cheated on him. Ever since our relationship has never been the same. We had our good and bad days but it always seemed like he never wanted to get over it. He broke up with me because he was moving 2 1/2 hours away and didn't think we would work out and wanted to focus on himself. We did decide to leave the option of us getting back together open and we were doing so good. We would talk everyday...laugh and have fun. But he never wanted to talk about how he was feeling about our situation or anything like that. It seemed like I was the ONLY one hurting and crying. I wanted to sit down and talk about it and get everything on the table but he NEVER wanted to. Then one night he seemed to get "fed" up with me asking questions and stuff and said there was no chance of us getting back together. I think he said it out of anger and if I just leave it alone that he will come back. But in the mean time I need to heal. How do I let go of someone that I've loved for so long? How do I let go of someone I still want to be with? How do I heal...how do i move on? I want the pain to go away...I want to stop crying. My closest friends live about 45 minutes which isn't too bad 'cuz I use it to escape and the seriously make me feel so much better...but I hate being alone. He still calls me to see how I am and just to check up. I'm forcing myself not to call him...but instead let him call me. I want him to chase me. He knows how I feel about him...and I know deep down he still loves me. He blocks his feelings because #1. he's a guy...and he's told me he doesn't want to show his feelings #2. Because he told me its his way of trying to let go. I just have a feeling its not going to go well for him in the end...and I may have moved on. We hit a rough patch and we couldn't ever focus on ourselves. We kept focusing on other people and things around us. Thats what really tore us apart. Please give me some advice...I'm really going crazy not knowing what to do. I apologize if some of this stuff doesn't make sense...I'm just letting it all out of me...and its pouring fast.

February 13th, 2010, 12:57 PM	#2
afk12 Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 4	When someone that you have been with has left you. It feels like he was ripped out of your life. I know the feeling. You just have to take it day by day. If he is really meant for you he will come back to you. Maybe this is a good thing. All I know is that it's like grieving for someone who has died. You have to realize that right now he may not come back to you and now you have to move on and focus on yourself. I understand that it's hard but you will get through this. Everyone on here has at least experienced some kind of loss in one form or another and I promise it will get better. It will get easier in time. You just need time to understand, let the shock wear off, and come to grips with what happened. But I do promise it will get better.

May 31st, 2010, 03:26 PM	#3
kraftykid Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 83	afk12, IMHO you are dealing with several seperate things. You cheated on your boyfriend, you hurt him, and now you are hurting because of his absence, which was caused by your actions. These are way too many things to deal with at one time. Seek out someone in your area; i.e., minister, therapist, group, that you can talk to when you need to talk. You need straight answers and support. Good luck.