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Old April 27th, 2012, 05:22 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1
Default A first Pain

I'm new to all of this. Everything from the pain I feel everyday to actually admitting that I need help.
I've been really sick for going on three months now. I have severe abdominal pains, I throw up constantly, back and headaches are always included and all of this interrupts my sleep. I have gone from hospital to doctors so much that I practically have them on speed dial. I've had X-rays, blood work and all types of other things wrong and they still don't know what's wrong with me. One week It's h. pylori ulcers and the next they think it's a gall bladder infection. I just got told the other day that I might have leukemia or hepatitis, but I hear things like this all the time and don't know what to believe. Either way I'm not getting fixed, I have to pay for all these medicines and bills by myself because I don't have health insurance. I'm not sure how I'm going to pay it since I haven't been working since I've been sick. I haven't been able to do anything really.
I'm 15 hours away from my family, but I have my boyfriend and my roommate. But they don't get it and they both feel helpless because they see me in pain and there is nothing that they can do. My roommate who is one of my closest friends just goes on with her life and basically treats my sickness as if it where a common cold. My boyfriend is supportive and there for me but it's getting to the point where my sickness is normal and expects me to be able to do regular things.
I feel depressed and guilty as this point.
I think my depression comes from the fact that I feel so alone and helpless through all of this.
My guilt comes from the fact that I even feel depressed because there are people out there with worse situations than me and I shouldn't be complaining.
I feel like I now understand those popular girls in high school who seem to have the perfect life and they commit suicide. That's how I feel, I put on a brave face for everyone constantly hearing "It'll get better" or "It's just stress" and it drives me crazy.
I shouldn't complain, I don't feel like I have the right to because I have a loving family and a boyfriend and roommate who care about me. Yet I have never felt more alone in my life and I have no idea what to do.
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