[PBS]

I am in a new relationship... it is new. Almost four months old. I asked him - his name is Bruce - yesterday... how do I get over the fear of disappointing you? sigh.

And..it made me think... (which I do alot and probably not to my benefit!!).

I have a number of issues i'm still working through....and probably will be for years.

For 9 years, I tip-toed around my life. Afraid that if I said something in the wrong tone, or with the wrong word that I would be chastised and punished. For 5 years, I tip-toed around my house praying that I didn't step to hard on the floor or voice the wrong opinion - because again, I would be punished.

Punishment was not physical - there was no hitting me. It was all mental... silence. complete withdrawl. and always the look that said "you are not worthy."

So, I meet this man... who ASKS my opinions...who DESIRES my input, and who VALUES who I am and wants no changes, needs nothing else but who i am right now..and how is patient and kind...who can talk me through a panic attack with an understanding and endlessly loving voice.

I am completely comfortable with him.... to the point that he knows that I was abused as a child, and that it is a part of me that will be there for forever. I have also told him about my last relationship.

So, while I am re-learning Healthy Thinking... it is difficult...and I still haven't mastered the answer to... How do i get over the fear of disappointing him?

sigh.