afk12, IMHO you are dealing with several seperate things. You cheated on your boyfriend, you hurt him, and now you are hurting because of his absence, which was caused by your actions. These are way too many things to deal with at one time.
Seek out someone in your area; i.e., minister, therapist, group, that you can talk to when you need to talk. You need straight answers and support. Good luck.
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